I punch, I scream, I yell, I fight. I rip, I tear, I cry, I bite. no matter the intensity with which I pull this mask refuses to let me go. i don’t want to hide, i want to be free. but alas each soul i tell in their own way betrays me.my fear is born in the reality that this may just be me. who i am, what i have become. what if this isnt hiding but rather the one known as unloved. Lord i cant take this, its to much. Please take this burden, give me your healing touch. I thought i had it all right, I was on the up and up. But here i am this lonely night, my heart in pieces, what a sight. There is school, there is friends, then there is family but for the forest I’ve missed the tree. I want someone that i can hold, that rocks me to sleep when i feel i have no home. if home is where the heart is then my home is lost, i cant see it, i cant feel it, and i question is it forever lost. Satan whispers so quietly, in the silence of my thoughts he comes to me. “Listen i can make it all better, do want you want, have your own will, i don’t care if you choose to directly follow me here, its not the path you choose that leads you to me or him because I know that 99% Him is all i need, for when heavens scale is placed that 1% will equal me. I know your sinful, look what you’ve done. here is the list the my demons have drawn. Forget the forgiveness forget the choice just focus on me and what i have destroyed. You can no longer be the person you were just look here isn’t this your signature. you cant deny it, i hold your soul you are mine and forever lost your story forever retold.” God he is so strong, his words seem filled with truth. Why cant it be one decision and the rest be, well, blotted out, forgotten, covered over, what ever the word just make it happen. I understand my blunder im letting him take back my heart. Lord fight for me, be my hero, be my warrior. I am asking, no i am pleading, on my knees pouring my soul out why cant you hear me why aren’t you listening. You said in your word that there is no temptation no struggle that you have not provided a way out. God show me the way, light my path, open my mind that the narrow may be made clear. Send a leader that i may follow. show me blatantly what is your path and what is not. May my thoughts and actions continually reflect the God that lives within me. I open my heart, here is the key, this is the prayer and plea. Open my eyes help me to see your arms wide open waiting for me. your love is endless, abundant and free, while i was yet in my state of sin, i hear you saying to me “you have bewitched me body and soul and I love you”. I know you will carry me, your love and strength is vast enough, strong enough, great enough and crazy enough to envelope, to engulf, and entangle me. You are my lover and i am your love. The two shall become one flesh, let me move as you move, think as you think, and see as you see. Open my eyes to greater things. let the healing and restoration begin and let Satan’s words ring true that the person i once was can no longer be because you are molding for greater, for bigger, for better and you will not stop at the past but rather you will raise me up into your fully realized child, your fully realized royalty, and your fully realized bride. ignite me so that i may ignite others that i may set the world ablaze with a glory and passionate over flowing for you. to revive the worlds hatred because your glory enrages those who know you not. Am i willing to die for your cause to suffer with endless loss. God don’t just shape me, change me, or mold me, rather destroy me , rebuild me, and remind me of the purpose for which i was born. Its only in your glory that i have been restored. i lay prostrate humbled by your throne bended knee and open arms i now understand you are my only permanent home. i love you, i love you, i love you, nothing but you is my heart bound to. i want so much to love as you love. to see the world through your eyes. to see the hurt, the brokenness,the sorrow they hide. to see the depths when others only see pride. the coexistence of you in me and i in you must be made manifest in my world made new. here they are, my cards laid out do what you see fit but never allow me to doubt. i give you permission i give you me devout. to do your will to honor you law, from nation to nation i agree to that with your help i will not fall.
Listening To Me
